I live

Huh, so where do I even begin? I’m still alive and kicking, although you couldn’t tell so judging from the activity on this blog. I’ve been ignoring it like crazy. Which IS crazy considering I’m paying for it. Besides, I’m not really ignoring it. I’m simply too busy to write.

I know, I know. Such a lame excuse, aye? At least being too-busy-for-anything is super popular right now. It’s the latest trend from what I hear so once for a change I’m keeping up the appearances. Congrats me?! But all jokes aside, the reality is that I’m truly super busy.

I’m not saying this in vain. In fact, I’ve been so busy it’s not even funny anymore, but I’ll get back to that later.

First, I want to focus on this blog. When I started it, I wanted to write about how to cope with life with chronic illnesses. I wanted to inspire and be inspired, offer and find support, all the usual jazz, you know. Guess I was dead wrong. Writing about that ain’t easy. It’s not easy to find words. It’s hard to be all smiles and brimming with wit at all times. On top of everything my latest doctor appointment was a sheer disaster, so I swore to myself I’m done with doctors. Regular check-ups, m’kay, everything else- hell no!

Hope I don’t jinx it, but I’ve been feeling surprisingly well lately. Maybe that’s because I’m so busy, hehe, but either way I’m thankful for it.

That being said, let’s go back to me being so, oh, super busy. Before I continue, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE to work! Honestly. I’m happy I can work, and I love my job(s). Buuuut- it might’ve come to a point where work is all I have. And something deep down tells me that can’t be right. That there is or should be more to life.

I mean, I feel SO lost without work. The second I have nothing to do it hits me how empty my (personal) life is, lol. But what’s even worse is that that I have no idea how to relax, unwind and take it easy.

My work is- hard to describe. All I can say is that it’s extremely versatile. I do many different things. We have a family business, we recently opened a new branch, and I help at both. Then there’s my freelancing I have no intent to give up on as it allows me to write and be free (sort of).

There’s nothing I love more than writing. It makes me happy. I’m very grateful I’m slowly but surely making progress in this direction. I’ve been doing lots of different writing jobs lately- from eulogies, CEO to copywriting. But no writing for my soul. And I miss it!! I honestly do. However, days are only 24 hours long, and it’s hard to fit it all in this short time frame.

Besides, writing isn’t something you can do on command if you know what I mean. My other jobs are highly unpredictable not to mention emotionally exhausting, so I gave up social life too. I’ve learned it’s best not to make any plans and promises rather than breaking them.

I get roughly 5-6 hours of sleep, go to work, and rarely make it home before 6 PM. Then I cook some dinner, and voila- it’s time to take my laptop and work some more. I try my best to keep with up with regular work. I juggle as much as I can. But it’s not leading anywhere, to be honest.

Although I enjoy the hustle, there is a lot I miss. I miss alone time. I miss relaxation. I miss carefree feels. Ok, so the latter might be a myth but still. Life can’t be all stress and no fun, right? I’m aware of all the flaws, but somehow it seems I can’t make a proper change. I have no idea why is that so. But I guess being aware of it is the first step or something. 😉

In other news, I’ve been struggling with activist burnout lately too. I’ve been under attack for my veganism a lot. People still don’t get it, duh.
But to be honest, it’s not just the animal welfare that worries me it’s our planet and how we litter it. We’re going to drown in the trash, but no one cares. Environmental reasons are a big part of my vegan journey, and seeing how reckless and clueless people are is super depressing. So I made a vow to do my best to spread awareness. Still, it doesn’t feel enough so I hope I can get involved more actively.

Anyways, I’m still alive. But just because I live doesn’t mean I’m living. If you know what I mean. Not to get too philosophical, I’ll try to change that, and start living too. 🙂

spoonielicious7.com

The fatigue all mighty (and how to fight it!)

Forget pain. Forget stiff joints and headaches. Never mind brain fog, bloated tummy, and blank stares… The worst part of being chronically ill is fatigue. Well, for me at least.

But wait- what is fatigue?

Hmm, the dictionary defines it as a

physical and/or mental exhaustion that can be triggered by stress, medication, overwork, or mental and physical illness or disease. (source)

Personally, I would describe it as a crippling feeling, like paralysis. It’s like my body shuts down, betrays me, and keeps me hostage. Even my mind is tired and sad, my legs feel like they weigh a tone and my eye bags hurt like hell.

It’s draining- both, physically and mentally.

So… isn’t fatigue just a fancy word for being tired then?

No. I believe those two are incomparable. I can take tired any time and deal with it but fatigue gets me. Not only can I barely move and function; there is also this huge mental struggle as no one believes you.

They see you as lazy, sensitive, someone who’s exaggerating and seeking attention. Hell, even you begin to question yourself and start having doubts. Like, could it really all be just in my head?

It took me long, too long to realise that it is not. It’s not just in my head. It’s not my mind making up something and looking for excuses to escape everyday life&errands. I’m not lazy as fuck. I’m fatigued.

It was extremely hard to except that even doing the simplest of daily, basic chores can be such a struggling challenge. I swear, fatigue is the meanest of them all. It’s the most destroying, nerve-racking, and unpleasant feeling ever.

It’s painful, lonely and it can easily turn you into a loner/weirdo. Which is probably why I prefer to spend time alone. There are two good reasons for that. Firstly, there’s no need to explain/apologise myself to anyone. There’s no need to pretend to be all smiley and heroic. Secondly, I have a feeling am an awful friend. I’m far from the trust worthy&reliable partner as I often have to cancel plan in the last minute- simply for being too beat to do anything.

Fatigue sucks you into its vicious whirl and it takes a whole lot of effort to swim out of it. But- it’s possible!

How? 

Like I said, sometimes even the most basic “jobs” seem to be mission impossible. And by basic, I mean getting out of bed and taking a shower.

It’s also tricky. Sometimes you can feel it coming, and sometimes it comes out of nowhere and knocks you down.

This’s why it’s such a mental war- that suspense of never knowing when it’s going to hit- that’s the worse. I can say for myself I’ve been through many battles. Some I lost. Some I won. Some I’m still fighting.

But I don’t believe in giving up, and even less in feeling sorry for myself. So I try my best at all times. It’s not always easy. But that’s life, right?

However, there were times when I truly hated and despised myself. I felt so much anger and frustration, even jealousy. I was jealous of others because they could go out and do stuff, and I couldn’t.

What truly drove me insane was hearing them bitching about the most petty things and constantly complaining over such silly matters as having a bad hair day. You ever had a fatigue day?

Of course, hatred and bitterness are never the answer.

Should I say or should I remain silent?

I was often torn between desire to “let it all out” and explain others how I feel, and lethal fear they would all think I’m a whiner.

When I still experienced prolonged periods of fatigue, I became much of a loner and control freak. So soon, the fatigue itself wasn’t such a big problem anymore. Now the problem was what I was becoming.

This was the turning point- the point where I knew I needed to do something. I needed to learn to relax and let it go. Let it all go and accept that fatigue is a part of my life now and that I don’t have to feel ashamed and guilty about it.

Accept it

Like I mentioned in one of the previous blogs, accepting the disease doesn’t mean giving up. It just means you “welcome” the disease and take it as a part of your life- because well, it is. I can’t give any proper advice on how to accept it, because there’s no universal recipe. In fact, it’s a long and often painful process. Maybe I could best describe it as learning to love yourself all over again. Getting to know yourself again. Forgiving  yourself.

Talk it

No, I don’t mean whining and complaining. Talk to yourself and be honest. Admit yourself you’re tired and recognise that you just can’t do certain things. This is when the part of forgiving yourself begins.

Also telling others, those who you trust, won’t hurt. Let them know you’re not feeling all that well and that you might be a bit slow that day.

Just remember two things you should NEVER do: feeling sorry for yourself and letting others patronise you!

Work it 

Finding your inner peace is hugely popular these days. We should all be enlightened, happy, smiley, spiritual, and BFF with the universe. Yeah. I’m not buying this. While I’m all for being and feeling confident and content, I also believe happiness is relative. Besides, how could we ever truly appreciate all the good things without a little pain and suffering, right? 😛

The minute you realise that, kick back, relax, and start trusting yourself (again) things change and improve.

Walk it

Another thing I noticed is that moderate exercise definitely helps. I could go all big and claim that yoga is the best- but that was me last year. This year I’m more into walking. What can I say…I’m a bit fickle, ha-ha.

My yoga’s always been extremely basic, more like a bit clumsy stretching. This year it’s the long walks. Whatever floats your boat, just make sure you move your body. Yes, I know it’s sounds bizarre coming from the mouth of someone who knows how fatigue feels like, but moderate, easy and gentle moving helps. Maybe it doesn’t take the pain away but it clears your mind. And this brings me back to the importance of having your shit together.

Bottom line: fatigue is not in your head. It’s real. But overcoming it often starts and ends in our heads. When it hits, take time to rest and recover. When it goes away, enjoy every minute of life. ❤

spoonielicious7-com

Happy New Year

So… it looks like we finally managed to get rid of the bad boy. 2016, that is! Did you make out of it alive? If so, maybe congratulations are in order. 😛

All jokes aside, was it really that bad? I can say it was quite challenging and therefore very eye opening. But apart from that, it was just another year. And years are basically just numbers. Numbers=math, and in my book, math is not only boring, it’s also annoying AF.

The older I get the less excited I am about new years. I don’t do resolutions. I never did. NY is just so… overrated IMO. All these promises, good wishes, corny greetings,… they’re forgotten so soon and people continue with their lives, fall back into routines, and that’s perfectly normal. That’s life. Why put pressure on yourself just because a year goes up by one number? If you want to change your life or change something in it, then you really don’t have to wait for NY to do so.

Dunno, NY was exciting when I was little and the idea of being up past midnight seemed promising. These days I’m always up way past midnight, so most of the charm is gone. I do understand, to some extend, this, um, freshness or the promise of it, that comes with celebration, and hence don’t roll my eyes when people go all crazy and overboard with excitement. The only thing I do hate is the pyrotechnic. Seriously, why would you want to send all that money up in the sky and scare the hell out of animals? That’s beyond me.

Anyway, back to 2017- it’s here! No matter if you celebrate or not, love it or hate it, have a whole list of resolutions or not a single one, I wish you all a good health, lots of laughter that comes from the heart, love, and happy moments with your dear ones. Here’s to travels, new adventures, yummy vegan food and happy animals. 🙂

Stay true to yourself and take it easy. 🙂

PS: Maybe my resolution should be to write more… 😀

And remember- we may not always have the control over what happens to us. But we do have the control on how we'll react.

Join the Challenge 22+

Or, as I love to say- come to the (b)right side- we have (vegan!) cookies. 🙂

There is no doubt- veganism is huge right now. So many people are willing to give it a try, which makes me super happy and excited, but also takes me back to my own beginnings. I remember how insecure, lost and misunderstood I often felt. I went through all the phases and did the whole process all by myself and alone.

Looking back at it, I see I could use some help, and now this help is here, widely available to everyone who wants&needs it, in a form of an amazing project, called Challenge 22 +. As the name itself says, it’s a challenge in which you get to experience veganism for 22 days. Your first step is signing up through the website.

Why join and why 22 days?

No beginning is easy and this one in particular can be extremely difficult. Sure, there are people who make a switch overnight but majority of people need some extra guidance and time. Which is understandable, considering that most of us were brought up in cultures where eating animals is so normal that it’s hard to see how utterly wrong it actually is. And damaging- to our own health, our (only!) planet, and of course the animals.

So a path to veganism can truly be overwhelming. It can be hard to find the right information and proper advice. After seeing all those videos&documentaries, reading articles, books and blogs frustration can arise and doubts appear. Especially when you have to face the others&break the news to your family&friends. It’s a lot!

However, this rocky road doesn’t have to be walked alone any longer! With a team of experienced and devoted vegans who volunteer as mentors, the transition is easy and enjoyable.

There’s no judging and no rushing, there is only lots of support in form of healthy tips, advice on fitness and nutrition, yummy recipes,… Experts, such as dietitians, help remove any doubts and/or fears. Every day brings a new challenge, but it’s all just fun- like trying vegan pizza for the first time or making some delicious pasta or lentil dish! I promise, you’ll find nothing but understanding and support there.

It all happens in a place, we all are so familiar with- within the “walls” of Facebook- a Facebook group, that is. So all your questions will be answered in real time and you’ll be able to find all the information you need.

How do I know all of that? Hmm, don’t want to brag but I’m also one of the mentors. Cheesy or not (no pun intended)- I’m super happy&proud to be a part of it. I find this challenge as a great way to help acknowledge veganism and it’s a form of activism that suits me best. It helps spread awareness with love and kindness. 🙂

And it doesn’t stop here, oh no! Another amazing perk is that you get to meet people from all over the world and create new friendships, find your “support” groups, which is so crucial. It always fills my heart with joy when I see mentees realise how great veganism is. And that vegans don’t just eat lettuce and die of protein deficiency. 😉

So if you’re interested and willing to give it a try-please, come and join us. You’re more than welcome and like I said, we’re a friendly bunch and we have cookies. Vegan cookies. 🙂

P.S.: I’m definitely not the person who believes in new year’s resolutions. However, if you already decide to make one, then this is the one! I’m also not that sentimental&over emotional person but I’ve got to say that this challenge has definitely been one of the highlights of 2016! So do yourself a favour and at least give a try to the most amazing lifestyle out there. ❤

P.S.2: 22 days because it takes approximately that much time to adapt a change, make a switch and break the old habits. 😉

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Hello, it’s me

Whoa, can’t believe it’s been such a long time since my last post. What can I say? Life’s been crazy hectic…to say the least. It’s been super busy and super stressful and I got caught up in work, work and work. I sort of started a new business and it required all of my attention.

So, I can say I gained a lot- in terms of new knowledge and experience- yet, somewhere along the way I might have lost another piece of myself which is quite frustrating. Sometimes, when I get to think about how much my life’s already changed due to disease, being so busy and not really having a moment to myself can add up to my… bitterness.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m far from bitter and angry. I’m perfectly aware I should be counting my blessings because I have so much. I have a job, a roof over my head, a fridge full of food, clothes in my closet, people I can talk to,… so yeah, I have a lot. I have safety. As boring as it may sound I bet everything on it.

Still, I wish I had a bit more time. But instead life often feels like I’m on a never ending roller-coaster ride. I just want this super speedy train to stop for a moment or at least slow down so that I can actually enjoy the ride and marvel the wonders that surround me.

Because I swear I have absolutely no idea when was the last time I had time to go for a walk, do the grocery shopping in peace and quiet, read a book without guilt, meet a friend or do anything at all for my soul. Like- writing. Apart from the job (yup, I’m that lucky gal who gets to write for living, yay).

Bottom line- if I know what I miss and if I know that happiness is mostly in my hands, I think it might be time to do something about it. I’m too afraid to make a promise of writing this blog more regularly as I don’t want to jinx it. Not that I’m looking for excuses, but after working for 12+ hours, I have really little energy left to get behind computer and write something…meaningful, lol. But I’ll try. Trying is okay.

So yeah. I’ll try. Hope we read soon. 🙂spoonielicious2

 

Are plants enough?

Being vegan sounds extreme to many. But being vegan and being chronically sounds like you lost it. Especially now, when following auto-immune protocol and paleo diet is hugely popular. People are almost literally gobbling down enormous amounts of (animal derived) proteins, tons of fats and zero carbs.

Then there’s me, stuffing my face with unlimited carbs, cooking with no oil and eating tons of “sugar” that comes from fruit. Oh, and everything I eat is completely plant based, of course.

So I really shouldn’t be so surprised (and annoyed) to get raised eyebrows and weird looks. The one question I hear a lot is- are plants enough? Well, to end this “mystery” I decided to answer the most common questions I get. Here we go! 🙂 But before I begin, let me point out one more thing: I’m vegan for the animals and our planet and I follow wholesome, healthy plant based diet for my health. 😉

Can you be plant-based (vegan) when you are a chronic patient, struggling with many auto-immune diseases?
The answer is very simple and straight forward. Yes. Yes, you sure can! I’ve been “proving” that for almost 4 years now.

Will it cure of your diseases?
Well, this one depends on the disease you have. But if I’m referring to auto-immune disorders, such as Hashimoto’s, then the answer is no.

While plants are the most delicious, wonderful, versatile and all around brilliant food, they are no effing superhero and if your immune system is a bit bizarre and “enjoys” attacking itself, it’ll continue to do so.

However- eating balanced, wholesome plant based diet can put certain diseases and conditions in remission and make your immune system stronger! And that matters, trust me!

But why eat healthy, if you’re still sick?
How about, because it makes me feel great and because I love it? I don’t see it as a struggle or deprivation. In fact, I’ve never eaten better than I do now!

But to be honest, it was puzzling at the beginning, especially because people are quick to judge and point their fingers, like- what’s the point then? You eat healthy, but you still feel (and look) like shit.

Hmm, if I play this “but-you-don’t-look-sick” card, then what people can’t see and even less feel, they cannot understand. But I know. I know how I used to feel. I was unable to leave the house. Unable to stand up straight and socialise. I was in constant pain and lived with a huge stigma.

So yeah- plants won’t cure me per se, but they made my life tolerable again. In comparison to before, I now thrive. Yes, I still have flare ups and stuff, but so do the people who follow AIP. I’ve talked to enough of them to know this for certain.

If you’re a chronic patient with a immune system on the loose, you’re bound to collapse every now and then. But eating healthy pays off, because it makes that time in between bearable.

What’s up with clean eating? Ain’t that just another eating disorder in disguise?
I can’t speak for others, but for me, it definitely isn’t. In fact, with my (ruined) guts it is the only option… and I actually love it. Some may think I am a fussy eater, but I see it as a perfectly normal lifestyle I enjoy very much.

My “diet” (not a fan of this word) involves lots of fresh fruit and veggies, lots of unprocessed carbs and a little amount of good fats. All prepared from scratch if only possible.

Besides, I firmly believe there’s nothing wrong if you want to eat healthy and skip on things that are full of ingredients one can’t even pronounce.

Does it have to be organic?
I do prefer to buy organic whenever possible, but I’m not obsessing over it. I will much rather buy produce from a local farmer than buy something in a store, brought from afar, just for the sake of its organic label. What’s more important to me is that the food is local, seasonal and preferably not packed in plastics.

It also depends on my budget. I have no intention to go broke by vigorously buying only organic. I became quite a savvy over those years, when it comes to shopping, can proof read ingredients like a real pro and know where to buy and how to buy all the good stuff. Practice makes perfect or something, aye?

What about super foods?
Ha, I remember when I first started reading and investigating all about food, its combinations, macros and micros, nutrients and all that jazz. Damn, with so much information out there, no wonder people are confused.

All these super foods are also super expensive. But do they do their job? Maybe some do, I don’t know. My budget and patience aren’t big enough to try them all out, but my common sense is quite down on Earth, so I figured that if humanity survived this long without taking million supplements and obsessing over super foods, then they are not so necessary. I guess they can make a great addition in one’s diet- I’m not going to lie, I’m a huge chia pudding fan, but do I really need all those pricey powders shipped from other parts of the world to be healthy? Nah, not really.

Acai powder vs local wild blueberries? Quinoa over buckwheat? Well, I will much rather have buckwheat porridge with blueberries. These are the real super foods- homegrown, local and seasonal.

Besides, no amount of super foods can erase all the “wrong” food one eats.

But…what about the taste?
With all this artificial food out there, it is no surprise that people gag when they try unprocessed food for the first time. But guess what- you get used to it. And once you do, once you get back the real taste of food, there’s NO way you can go back to eating crap. Real food, like dunno- fresh tomato from the garden- tastes phenomenal and it doesn’t even need any seasoning.

But can you get everything from plants?
Yes. Wholesome, delicious, preferably homegrown plants give you everything and they nourish you from the inside and outside. They are full of fibers, vitamins, minerals, they are packed with nutrients, and yes- you get more than enough protein from them!

Isn’t eating vegan boring?
This one always makes me giggle. With so many different kinds of plants, how could eating this way be boring? Since I don’t get stranded on desert island on daily basis, my food’s definitely not boring. In fact, I’ve never been more creative or eaten more versatile.

What exactly do you eat then?
Here’s the thing- I’m a pretty hardcore ethical vegan but the health aspect plays a huge role in my veganism, therefore I try my best to eat healthy. I find that eating enormous amounts of carbs, very little fat and lots of fruits works best for me. I could say I’m one of those high carbs low fat vegans who follow raw till 4. Only that I’m not. I could never be completely raw and I also don’t enjoy labels.

Lemme just say that my favourite things to eat are: fresh, seasonal and perfectly ripe fruits, sweet potato, pumpkin, pasta, homemade pizza and almost all the veggies.

But why do you take supplements?
I only take B12 and vitamin D. Ask any other chronic patient what they take and the answer will be pretty similar, them being vegan or not. In fact, did you know that vitamin D plays a crucial role in maintaining a good health and that most people are insufficient? So much more if you struggle with chronic illness(es).

What are the benefits of eating this way?
For starters- long gone are the days of me struggling with IBS and leaky gut.

My allergies improved and I almost don’t need to take medicine anymore. My skin improved and so did my energy levels.

And I love what it did to my mind- it’s so much clear and sharp now. I very rarely get cold, and even if I do, I get better in a couple of days. So yeah. I’m sticking to eating plants.

Let’s talk booze!
There were times when I had my fair share of booze, but now it’s best for me to stay away from it. That’s all I’m saying. Alcohol no longer likes me, ha-ha.

Hmm, I think this pretty much covers it. 🙂 If anyone has any other, new question- shoot it. I’m curious to hear and will gladly answer. 🙂

Are plants enough

 

Spring pasta

Instead of whining about disease all the time, I’ll rather share a recipe. In fact, I don’t even know if I can call it a recipe. It’s way too simple for that. But it’s how I like to cook- very spontaneous! 😉 I prefer to be creative and inspired by my current mood+ingredients I have at hand.

And this is exactly how I came up with this one. But before I begin, here’s a little confession- I love pasta and am a true pasta-holic. There’s something so satisfying about it, isn’t it? I could eat plain pasta (almost) every single day and when it comes to sauces, I also like to keep it simple. My favourites are definitely tomato sauce with tons of Italian herbs, avocado “sour cream” with dill and cauliflower Alfredo.

However, the one I’m sharing today, is perfect for these lovely spring days. Tender and gently, subtly sweet flavours of dominantly spring veggies work together very well and the addition of oat cream gives that extra kick. But a true star is the thyme. Or maybe that’s just me, because I’m crazy about it. 🙂  Anyway… here’s how to make this yummy dish.

It’ll take you approximately half an hour all together.

Serves 2:

  • 200 g (or more!) of whole grain pasta of your choice
  • 100 g of (frozen) peas
  • 2 medium sized carrots, finely sliced
  • 3 courgettes, sliced
  • bunch of asparagus
  • 1/2 tsp of mustard seeds
  • 1/2 tsp of ground coriander
  • 1 tsp of thyme + more for sprinkling
  • 100 ml of oat cream
  • 1/4 tsp of turmeric
  • sea salt
  • pine nuts

Pasta:
Cook peas and pasta together.
But be careful- you may need to add peas before pasta as some tend to cook longer.
Cook pasta as instructed. Once cooked, drain and let it wait.

Oil free sauce:
Add sliced carrots to your preheated pan and have some water ready by your side. You’ll need it for the veggies. Gently cook your carrots and only add a little bit of water- just enough that it doesn’t burn. Add mustard seeds and ground coriander. Once the carrots soften, add asparagus sprigs and water as needed, then toss in the courgettes and season with a generous amount of thyme.

When the veggies are cooked- but not over cooked (although this is up to your taste buds, I personally can’t stand when courgettes get too soggy)- add peas and pasta and let it bind together nicely. Then add oat cream in which you mixed turmeric. If necessary add a bit more of water. I like to use the one I save from pasta because it’s already salty.
Add more thyme and let it sit for a few minutes. Serve with some pine nuts on top and enjoy.

And don’t forget to have some salad on side. After all that’s the only thing that vegans eat, right? 😉 Hint: try cucumber salad with avocado dressing with this one. 😉

This dish is way better when it’s made with vegetables from the garden- fresh produce always tastes better so grow your own or suck up to the people who have gardens, he-he. 😀

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(un)Happy Mother’s day

Yesterday was mother’s day here where I live, so I’m dedicating this blog to the mothers who suffer beyond words. Those non-human mothers who, just as human mothers, create immediate bond with their babies, love them and want to protect them… but are unable to do so… I want to talk about the overlooked mothers of the most bloody industry I can think of- the dairy industry.

Now I’ll be honest. I do feel as a hypocrite as I’m typing this because I was your typical “can’t-live-without-cheese” girl. I consumed dairy like it’s no one’s business, and I swear a litre of milk a day was no problem for me. Morning cereals drowned in milk, pasta with sour cream and dill, all the cheeses I could get my hands on, not to mention chocolate and sweets, plus all the things where dairy is a “hidden” product. Yup. I was one of those.

All until dairy almost killed me. Literally. Jeez, if I think back it just makes me feel stupid…I mean whenever I went to a family gathering I settled for, ta-da you guessed it-cheese. So I’d have tons of it and feel awfully sick on my way back home but I was unable to make the connection that it was actually dairy causing my sickness. I had no clue at all. I was completely and utterly clueless.

Then came the revelation… I found out about my lactose intolerance, and then after getting my Hashi diagnosis I learned more about how bad dairy is for your health. But what really got me was learning how truly awful and horrible dairy is for the health of cows.

I honestly believe that the cruelty of dairy industry made me a “forever vegan”, and I’m highly sensitive to it. It makes me sick to my stomach when I remember that I took part in it and I feel deeply ashamed. However I’m also happy I went through all of that process and was able to ditch the dairy completely, despite my proclaimed undying and unconditional love for it.

To say it’s heartbreaking doesn’t do it justice. It’s cruel. It’s barbaric. It’s the most appalling and disgusting thing ever.

Here’s a little story. Imagine going into a nursery and taking babies away from their mums. Boys are killed and girls face the same destiny as their mums. They will be artificially inseminated over and over again, so some other species will be able to drink their milk.

Doesn’t sound right, does it? Can you imagine having your baby ripped out of your hands right after birth? Would you like your baby boy to be killed? Would you like for your daughter to be raped and tortured?

Cows are smart, gentle, caring and loving. They feel pain. Pain of loss and pain of having their milk stolen. They are put on machines that milk the shiz out of them until their breasts are swollen and sore. Once they start losing milk they will simply make them pregnant again and again. Until the day they become useless. Until the day when their only “purpose” is to become someone’s dinner. What a life, ha?

You know in full honesty- I’m not your typical motherly gal. Never dreamed of having children and here I’m in my early 30’s, still single and there’s no biological clock raving, yet the cruelty and coldness of this shake me to the core.

It is impossible for me to understand how others- especially women- can be so…unhurt by it. And I’m talking about women who claim they are willing to die for their children. Women who are all about women’s rights. Yet they couldn’t care less about cows. Because cheese, right?

During my dark ages of being a chain dairy consumer I swear I had no clue, so I can relate to those clueless. But for those who know and choose not to care… I can’t. There’s no apology for this. No apology. Dear cows…dear all the other non-human mothers whose desperate cries remain unheard because of profits and unwillingness to make a difference…my deepest apologizes. I’m truly sorry.

Want to know more about dairy industry? Take five and watch this video. It explains everything in a nutshell.